made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
