I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
