Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
