I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
