It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
