I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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