My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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