Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
