I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
