I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize