craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
