I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell