hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age