We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed