So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
