Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
