If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
