I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
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I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
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I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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