cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
