I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
