got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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