i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
