he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
