y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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