I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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