The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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