either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
