maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
