if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
