i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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