In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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