She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
As shirtless as possible
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
