Don't you send me to vm
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
