Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
