: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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