Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
