I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
