sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
