I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
