Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
