remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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