YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
