Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Non-Jews are for practice
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
