make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
