...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
