Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
