I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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