Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
