We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
