I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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