So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
