We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
