Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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