plz talk dirty to me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
