So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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