Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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