Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
