Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You can't motorboat a personality
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
