I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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