a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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