I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
