Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
