i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
