After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize