when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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