Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
