I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
