Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
whose ass print is on the piano?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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