well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Drunk is not a location!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
