I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
