I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
