By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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