my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
