he thought i was a dude.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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