Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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