He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
