So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
